You Are Not Alone.

Hello neighbor. If you’ve found your way to this post, we either know one another in real life, or perhaps you are experiencing a situation revolving around substance use disorder that led you here. However you ended up finding this little nook and cranny of web space, welcome…I’m glad you made it.

Writing plays a soothing expressive role in my life. When I feel overwhelmed with any life happenstance or emotion, I write. Over the years, I’ve filled many journals. Putting my feelings into words helps me process them, accept them, digest them, and move through them.

I plan to use this blog space on the world wide web to share my experiences with the disease of addiction, along with the source of strength that’s been helping me to carry on…God. Some profound lessons have been revealed and absorbed over the past few years; it would be selfish to keep them quiet. My hope is to be a light house for anyone going through a dark storm in their life, or are witnessing a loved one struggling. I encourage you to read the “about” page if you haven’t already done so. There you will find in detail why this website, blog, and service project exists. I would like to offer a content warning as well…heavy stories are going to be shared here. It is entirely within your own discretion if you continue to read on. If any raw emotions come unraveled, it may be best to take a break and tend to your needs.

One of the core traits of the disease of addiction is isolation. No matter what side of the disease you’re on, the afflicted or the observer, it feels isolating all around. Back in July of 2021, when our son Dominic’s opioid addiction came to light, I remember keeping the situation secret. We didn’t share it with our family or any friends in the beginning, partly due to Dom’s privacy, but also because we didn’t want him or any of us to be judged. It felt very lonely, as if we were the only family going through something like that. I found a blog then called, An Addict In Our Son’s Bedroom. I read every post during the night’s I couldn’t sleep and was filled with anxiety. Knowing that there were other people feeling the same way I was gave me some solace, even though I didn’t know them personally. I also came across the movie and book Beautiful Boy. There were so many synchronicities between their family and ours…again, I felt comforted by other people sharing their most vulnerable moments.

My own addiction to wine was thriving during that time; I kept to myself as much as I could and drowned my sorrows away each evening. There are many support resources out there, but I was blind to them at the time. It wasn’t until I hit such a low spot emotionally that I actually listened to my husband’s suggestion of checking out an Al - Anon meeting. Honestly, it was confusing at first…I attended one meeting, didn’t really understand the concept, and didn’t want to go back. However, I brought home the literature to read…that’s when the light slowly started to come on. I realized I needed this support since I was a teenager. My husband accompanied me to another meeting at a different location, but nobody had shown up. We ended up getting a coffee together instead and he told me it only takes 2 people to have a meeting. It took me another couple months after that day to pick myself back up and go to a third meeting. This time it was different...I heard people share similar feelings and experiences to my own. I wasn’t alone anymore, and these people I started to get to know in real life. I thought, perhaps there is something to this 12-step thing and kept going back. When I started the journey through the steps, that light of awareness, or God from my understanding, kept getting brighter and undeniably presented me with the fact that I too have been depending on substances to cope with most of my life’s circumstances thus far. That was incredibly difficult to face. I had played a part in this family disease of addiction. I was wide open to healing at that point & willing to listen to anyone for guidance. My son’s life depended on it. I decided to give up wine for “a little while”, but left to my own devices, I drank again merely 2 weeks later. After a conversation with an Al - Anon mentor who was also a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I slowly made my way to AA. Again, I began to hear people share feelings that I was having too. That wine break has lasted over 3 years so far. Maybe the 12-steppers really do know what’s up.

After all our family has gone through now, God has put a calling on my heart…to share a road map with others. Substance use disorder and the opioid epidemic are both radically affecting our American culture. There are so many other families out there who are perhaps going through a similar experience and could use some friendly words of encouragement or arrows pointing to a path of hope and healing. Let’s face it, in my opinion the leaders of our country are blinded by greed. They seem to be bought and paid for by big pharmaceutical companies profiting off of this whole disaster. They are unable to provide us with a swift, widespread, healthy solution and our young people are dying off because of it. Drug overdoses, mainly fueled by fentanyl are the leading cause of death of 18-44 year olds according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control). It seems we only have God and each other to lean on.

Little by little, I’m going to share what we learned for those that have just started this journey through recovery or perhaps have experienced the death of their loved one like we have. This path we’re on has been full of tragedies, triumphs, fear, hope, love, faith, redemption, restoration, loss, grief, healing, and new beginnings. Thank you for spending time here, I hope it brings some sort of comfort in whatever it is you’re going through and helps you understand that you are not alone. <3